Autista

 I've now been told I'm a bad blogger.  I completely agree.  I'm just not inspired to write much these days, and can't seem to find anything that I want to say.  My life here in Biancavilla is good, and I have no complaints.  But, I really don't have much purpose here.  That is really not any different than my life back in Minnesota, except I'll take the weather here over MN winters any day.  I have struggled with life post retirement.  Life was pretty easy while fully employed.  You got up, went to work and had a full day of things to keep you busy, and that gave you the illusion that you were serving some purpose.  With the opportunity at age 62 to take early retirement and having the luxury of being able to afford to do so, I opted out of the workforce.  I always enjoyed my job, and never had issues with wanting out and counting the days until I could retire.  I know that that is something special, and not all can say the same.  I enjoyed the people I worked with, and would often wander the halls just to find someone to talk to, rather than digging into whatever project I was working on. (Don't get me wrong, I always managed to get my work done, and I think I did a pretty good job of it.  It just didn't take me all day to accomplish it.)

At the start of retirement all was great.  I no longer had to answer to anyone, and my time was my own. Great! So, now what.  The best retirement advice I came across, was don't commit to anything the first year you are off.  Just do whatever, and then go on from there the next year, once you figure out what you are passionate about.  I can't remember a lot about what I did that first year, but I had no complaints.  Then, I think, partly out of boredom, I jumped into investing in a restaurant that I loved run by an owner I also loved.  It seemed perfect at the time.  But looking back, I had no idea what I was doing, and  no business taking a leap into such a venture.  Luckily, I didn't put my life savings on the line, and I totally enjoyed the experience (except for the demise of the restaurant, and all the associated hassles involved with the close of a business.) I played host, bartender, back of the house assistant and painter of walls when we expanded.  It was fun interacting with all the people, and after putting in hours of work, days off were a luxury again.

Then, back to retirement.  Again, all good, but still looking for some purpose in life.  Luckily, the next step came from a lunch with good friend, Paul Brown, fellow law-school classmate and owner of a small probate and estate planning law firm in St. Paul (Chandler and Brown).  He had just lost an associate at his firm and needed someone to handle the occasional litigation matter that popped up.  Litigation was my background in the 80's and it sounded like a good time for to me to jump back into trial work. Paul took me on as "of counsel" to the firm, and it was a perfect set up.  I had total flexibility in my work hours, and the cases I worked on.  I think I provided a service to the firm and they provided me with cases, an office, great attorneys to work with, support staff,  and a purpose in life again.  

Within the year, I was back in action with a court trial representing clients in a very messy family probate dispute.  A good Hollywood ending would have been me winning the case and sailing off into the sunset.  But, I lost, or rather the clients lost.  It was probably meant to be given the circumstances of the case, but never easy on the ego.  At least the opposing side sent me a nice note afterwards complimenting me on my professionalism, and saying I really only knew half of the story.  

There were other cases, none really going to trial.  There were highlights and lowlights, and I was pretty happy with the situation.  As covid hit, we attorneys being deemed "essential workers"  were allowed to show up at our offices. This really helped me through the winter of 2020 as I could get out of the house and go to the office, even if I had no real reason to be there.  Downtown St. Paul was like a ghost town back then, but I loved the escape.  

As we moved into 2021 and life seemed to return to some normalcy, things at work were slowing down. The firm was never busier, but the type of cases I handled were dwindling.  Probably in part due to my lack of marketing.  Anyway, when this opportunity to escape to Sicilia came about, it took me all of two seconds to decide I was in.  Escaping a Minnesota winter for the first time of my life was an added bonus.

So, here I am and back to that word "purpose."  As I described earlier, this is Karen's gig.  She is here taking care of Ettore and helping raise him bilingually.  I'm along for the ride. Occasionally, Ettore and I will have a "recess" and do some rough housing before he's back to work with Karen.  But, I'm just as Ettore said the other day "a decoration."  Although,  I believe I have now discovered a true calling for myself here.  Sono una autista.  ( I am a driver.)  We have been provided with a car for our use here.  It is a 2001 Renault Clio, and I love it.  It only has about 75,000 kilometers on it, and it's a 5 speed manual.  It's a very small car, perfect for these small streets.  It is already beat up with all sorts of dents, scrapes, and missing body parts. So, I am very comfortable driving it, not concerned with putting the first scratch on it.  I enjoy driving it, and it works great for our needs.  It took awhile to get comfortable driving here with the narrow streets, roundabouts, and not knowing where I'm going.  Also, you quickly learn that Minnesota nice doesn't get you too far on the roads here.  Many crossings have no controls, and the only way to get anyplace is to nose your way into traffic so someone lets you in.  Of course you have to also reciprocate and let other guy plow ahead of you.  If you waited nicely for traffic to open up, you'd be sitting there till the next morning. 

Karen is quite capable on her own, and drives herself all over the cities when home.  (Just usually not when I'm in the car with her.)  I think she'd agree, that she would not want to be driving here.  And, I would not want to be a passenger in a car with her driving here. So, I am quite happy to fill this role of chauffeuring her, and me to wherever we need to go.  Vincenzo asked the other day if we share driving  I said "ho molta paura quando Karen guida. (I am very afraid when Karen drives.)  Vincenzo said they have a saying here: "donna al volante, pericolo costante." (Women behind the wheel, constant danger.)  Ok, so enough with the sexist stuff.  But, looking on line at Italian quotes, I did find another that made me laugh out loud.  "Italian women will shoot you and then show up at the hospital like "are you hungry, I brought you ravioli."  

But, finding a purpose here is good. Okay, enough with this "purpose" stuff.  Everyone should have such problems.  I'm sure there's volumes written about the issue, and all equally boring.  I'm no longer a hunter/ gatherer.  I'm not a breadwinner anymore.  I've raised three daughters, (or rather they did a bang up job of raising themselves.)  I don't need to take care of shelter.  Food and drink seem to show up on my table on regular occasions.  And, I know, it's time to give back, volunteer, take care of others, and find a cause.  I just haven't taken that step yet.  

So, another couple weeks driving around Sicilia, then back home to pick up a car, and drive to Phoenix with a few stops in between.